Moab in January: Year's Reflection + Resolutions

I ended 2017 and started 2018 in Moab, Utah with my brother and it was exactly where I needed to be. Every morning my brother woke me up before the sun just so we can experience more. Peeling myself from the cozy blankets was tough, but I wouldn't have traded a Moab sunrise for anything in the world. During our trip we visited Dead Horse State Park, Corona Arch Trail, and Delicate Arch. I could be wrong, but I believe January is Moab's off season. We had little to no interaction with other humans and that was a treat. Imagine having an entire park to yourself and the wild things that roam there. Truly a blissful moment. And it was in the solitude I reflected 2017 and made resolutions of 2018.

2017 was, without a doubt, bittersweet. I started my year off with a bang. Quite literally. I suffered (but survived) a snowboarding concussion that left me out of work for a month and a half. My world was nothing but deep sleeps and raging headaches. My mind was full of anxiety ridden questions surrounding the why. Why was this happening to me? Even a full year later, I still cannot conclude an answer other than the opportunity to give my body rest. 

Crawling out of my concussion, I found myself in what I would consider my most memorable relationship. Every moment spent with this man allowed me to take down walls I had built so high. It was a perfect blend of sharing and learning with another person. It was a euphoric feeling to be with someone so similar and yet so different from me. To all the travels, conversations, and daring firsts (skydiving), I wish it didn't have to end. 

Much of my year was spent sharing and growing with someone else that I really didn't take time to learn myself as a 25 year old. And that's okay, I wouldn't have had it any other way. But I was forced to not only learn about myself, but to also recover from a broken heart for the last 3 months of 2017. 

Healing comes in waves and every rise and fall should be felt. 

In October I flew myself to Seattle as I'd never been. Seattle is my ultimate dream city and I needed to experience it. I made a deal with myself that by the time the plane landed, I would let go. I would let go of a failed relationship, beating myself up, and dragging my heart through glass. As we made the decent and the evergreen trees peeked through the iconic Seattle fog, I knew I was going to be okay. 

By the time November rolled around, I worked up the courage to strap into my snowboard and glide down the mountains of Keystone. Reconnecting with my board was a weightless feeling and it's been a great season so far. This month also allowed me to unpack my reality of being alone. It was a scary inner dialogue, one that I'd put off for a while, but I learned that me letting go doesn't necessarily lead to me wanting to. In Seattle I learned to let go. But I struggled with the guilt in doing so. November taught me that letting go is to protect my own heart and that is not a selfish act.

December came and went within the blink of an eye. And just like that, 2017 was over. I kept hearing people complain how awful 2017 was for them, and some might even classify my year in that category. But the great thing about living your life is that you get to be the author and you get to choose how you view things. I said my 2017 was bittersweet. I'm so grateful for every moment, trip, and relationship I was part of. Of course, I wanted some things to carry over into the new year, but for whatever reason, my path no longer runs parallel with those things.  

I've never been a huge fan of resolutions because I believe that with every inhale and exhale provides the opportunity to begin again. However, I also like to have benchmarks and to watch progress being made. Here they are:

  • Spend less time focusing on trivial things
    Already deleted the Facebook app off my phone
  • Spend more time refining my passions and purpose in life
    Currently enrolled in an Inbound Marketing course, because marketing is fun
  • Be comfortable in saying "no" without having the need to explain myself
    No one asked for a follow-up story of how I don't want to do something. I'm learning that "no, because" is a default response we have as humans and it's unnecessary
  • Become wiser in managing my money
    Simple Banking is in my future
  • Continue to learn new things and push boundaries of my current physical limitations
    I'm new to CrossFit and every week I surprise myself with new PRs. I'm also interested in learning how to properly ice skate

This goes without saying, but I'm going to welcome every positive surprise with open arms and let life be lived. I'm not wanting to put hard stops or restrictions on my life right now (or ever?) because I want to be open to opportunities I never would have dreamed up myself. 

I'm so excited for 2018, you have no idea.

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